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We’ve all been there—those days when you just cannot muster the energy to be productive, but still need to look like the office MVP. Whether you’re out of steam after back-to-back meetings or simply not in the mood to tackle that ever-growing to-do list, the art of looking busy has saved many an employee from an awkward encounter with the boss.
But what if I told you that not all “looking busy” hacks are created equal? In fact, some of them are downright terrible. Here’s a tongue-in-cheek guide to the 10 most ridiculous ways to fake productivity at work—and why you should never use them (unless you’re really in a pinch).
1. The Classic Folder Walk
The concept is simple: Grab an important-looking folder, hold it close to your chest like it contains state secrets, and walk briskly around the office. This is a go-to strategy when you’ve got no work but want to seem like you’re in high demand.
Why You Shouldn’t Use It:
Your coworkers will catch on when they notice you’re always “en route” but never seem to reach a destination. Also, it’s hard to fake urgency when you’re aimlessly wandering past the same cubicles for the third time in an hour.
Pro Tip: If you do try this, switch it up by occasionally adding a deep sigh or muttering, “I can’t believe this deadline…” as you walk by. Just don’t get caught staring into space in the break room, folder in hand.
2. The Gibberish Spreadsheet
Need to look like you’re crunching serious numbers? Easy. Just open Excel and start typing random numbers, symbols, and formulas. Bonus points for furrowing your brow and occasionally backspacing dramatically—because real work requires struggle.
Why You Shouldn’t Use It:
If anyone peers over your shoulder, they’re going to wonder why your formulas involve dollar signs, exclamation points, and the word “bacon” in random cells. Plus, there’s always a risk your boss will ask for a copy of your “data”. Good luck explaining that.
Pro Tip: If caught, pretend you’re testing encryption methods or working on an experimental project. Either way, you’ve already lost credibility.
3. The Headphone Typing Marathon
Throw on a pair of noise-canceling headphones, open a Word document, and start typing like your life depends on it. You’re deep in concentration, you’re slamming that keyboard, and your coworkers are impressed by your dedication to whatever it is you’re writing.
Why You Shouldn’t Use It:
Sure, you’re typing up a storm, but if anyone takes a closer look, they’ll see it’s a stream of random thoughts like “The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog” on repeat. Also, typing doesn’t make noise on Slack—your coworkers know you haven’t answered that “urgent” message from 45 minutes ago.
Pro Tip: Occasionally pause, take off your headphones, and stare at the screen in quiet contemplation. Then mutter something like “That’s not quite right,” and dive back in. Just make sure you’re not actually typing your grocery list.
4. The Constant Printer Visit
Need an excuse to leave your desk but don’t want to seem like you’re slacking off? Head to the printer. Print something—anything—every 15 minutes. Nothing says “important office work” like regularly visiting the printer, even if all you’re printing is a blank sheet of paper.
Why You Shouldn’t Use It:
Sooner or later, your coworkers will notice that you’ve printed approximately 78 pages over the course of the day, and yet none of them contain actual content. Plus, nothing kills your credibility faster than being caught printing the company logo just to have something to grab.
Pro Tip: Leave each page you print lying around in random places. When someone asks, give a cryptic response like, “Oh, that’s for the Johnson project,” and walk away.
5. The Scattered Sticky Notes Strategy
Cover your desk, computer, and walls in sticky notes. The more disorganized they look, the better. Every time someone walks by, they’ll see your chaotic workspace and immediately assume you’re juggling a million tasks.
Why You Shouldn’t Use It:
It’s only a matter of time before someone asks what all those notes are about, and you’ll have to admit that “Post-it Reminder: Buy Milk” isn’t exactly work-related. Plus, good luck finding the one note that actually matters amidst the sea of doodles and fake reminders.
Pro Tip: Write down random phrases like “Optimize synergy” and “Leverage verticals” to confuse anyone who dares ask what your notes are for.
6. The Pretend Phone Call
Pick up your office phone, stare intensely at your screen, and have an imaginary conversation. Occasionally nod and say things like, “I’ll send that report right over” or “Let me check those numbers again.” Bonus points for typing gibberish while you “talk.”
Why You Shouldn’t Use It:
There’s always a chance someone will try to call you while you’re “on the phone.” The awkward fumbling to explain why your phone isn’t ringing will undo all your hard work pretending to be important. Also, your one-sided conversation might raise some eyebrows.
Pro Tip: If you can fake an incoming call ringtone, hang up dramatically with a sigh and say, “I’m sorry, that was an international call.”
7. The Perpetual Meeting Prep
Here’s a good one: Schedule fake meetings with yourself on your calendar and spend hours “preparing” for them. This way, you can legitimately tell anyone who asks that you’re in “back-to-back meetings” all day.
Why You Shouldn’t Use It:
Your calendar will look suspiciously packed with vague entries like “Project Review” or “Brainstorm Session” with no real explanation. Plus, it’s only a matter of time before your boss tries to join one of these non-existent meetings.
Pro Tip: Have a few fake PowerPoint slides ready in case anyone questions you. Title them “Strategic Vision” or “Synergy Alignment” and nod seriously while showing them.
8. The Fake Document Shuffle
When things are slow, gather up a stack of random papers and start shuffling them like you’re making key decisions about company policy. Look stressed. Occasionally glance at the clock for dramatic effect.
Why You Shouldn’t Use It:
This tactic might fly in the ‘90s, but in the digital age, nobody’s fooled by paper anymore. Also, if your boss asks to see the documents, you’ll either have to make up a story or admit you’re just shuffling the company handbook from 2003.
Pro Tip: If caught, declare, “These are highly sensitive documents. Sorry, can’t share!”
9. The PowerPoint That Leads to Nowhere
Open up PowerPoint, add a few random slides with fancy graphs, and stare at it intently. Occasionally click through the slides while making little adjustments like moving shapes one pixel to the left or changing font colors.
Why You Shouldn’t Use It:
It won’t take long for someone to ask, “What’s this presentation for?” If you don’t have an answer ready, it’s game over. Plus, when it’s time for actual presentations, you’ll have nothing to show except some oddly placed bar charts.
Pro Tip: Title your slides with something vague like “Q4 Review” or “Departmental Strategy.” That way, you can always claim it’s a work-in-progress for some future event.
10. The Emergency Google Search
When in doubt, Google something really business-sounding. Keep a browser tab open with a search like “Best productivity tools for cross-functional teams” or “How to optimize synergy in workplace collaboration.” Click around a bit and make sure it looks like you’re deep in research.
Why You Shouldn’t Use It:
If someone sneaks up behind you, they’ll quickly notice your frantic Googling. Plus, spending an hour researching “synergy” might backfire if someone asks for your insights. You’ll end up deep in a rabbit hole of buzzwords and have no real work to show for it.
Pro Tip: When caught, say, “I was just doing some competitive benchmarking,” and minimize the tab before they can ask questions.
While these 10 terrible office hacks may give you a brief respite from actual productivity, they’re likely to backfire sooner or later. Sure, wandering around with a folder or typing gibberish in Excel might fool a coworker for a day, but eventually, the jig will be up.
The moral of the story? If you really want to look busy, maybe just—dare I say it—do some actual work. Or, at the very least, keep your fake efforts slightly more believable than wandering the office with a blank sheet of paper.
But if you’re in a pinch? Well, you’ve got your tricks.
Stay tuned for more fun office hacks and advice at Woke Waves Magazine!
#OfficeHacks #LookBusy #WorkHumor #FakeProductivity #WokeWaves
