How Do I Know If I'm Gay? My Journey to Self-Discovery

Growing up, I never gave much thought to my sexuality. I assumed I was straight because, well, that’s what most people around me seemed to be. But somewhere in the back of my mind, things didn’t quite add up. I found myself drawn to girls in ways that felt more than just friendly admiration. It wasn’t until I started questioning my feelings that I began to realize: maybe I wasn’t straight after all.

The first time I seriously thought, “Am I gay?” was during high school. I remember having a close friend who I was pretty much obsessed with. At the time, I convinced myself it was just an intense friendship, but deep down, it felt like something more. I would get jealous when she hung out with other people and found myself constantly thinking about her, in ways that didn’t seem “normal” for just friends. But I brushed it off because admitting the possibility that I might be gay felt terrifying.

One thing that kept me confused for the longest time was the idea that being gay was all or nothing. Like, if I wasn’t 100% attracted to the same sex, then I couldn’t be gay, right? I still found some guys attractive, so how could I be gay? It took me years to realize that sexuality isn’t always black and white—it’s more like a spectrum. You can be mostly into girls, or maybe it’s just one girl that flips your world upside down, and that’s still valid.

For me, the “aha” moment didn’t come with fireworks or some dramatic epiphany. It was more of a slow realization, like peeling back layers of myself until I could finally say, “Yeah, I think I’m into girls.” A big part of that came from meeting people who were openly gay or bi. Hearing their stories made me realize I wasn’t alone in my confusion, and it gave me the courage to dig deeper into my own feelings.

There was this one summer when I spent a lot of time with a group of friends who were super open about their sexuality. Some were gay, some bi, some still figuring it out. Being around them was like a breath of fresh air. No one cared about labels—they were just living their lives, unapologetically. That’s when I started allowing myself to explore what I actually wanted, without feeling guilty or scared. And honestly, it felt so freeing.

I began to ask myself some tough questions: Do I really see myself with guys in the long run? Or am I just going along with it because it’s what’s expected? When I imagined a future with a guy, it felt more like going through the motions. But when I pictured being with a girl, it felt exciting, real, and somehow right. It was like a light bulb moment for me.

Still, even with all these realizations, I didn’t come out right away. Coming to terms with your sexuality can be scary, especially if you’re afraid of how people will react. I spent a long time battling the fear of rejection from family, friends, or society in general. But here’s what I learned: coming out is personal, and you can take your time. There’s no rush, no rulebook on how to navigate this part of your life. Some people come out the second they realize it, while others wait for years, and both are completely valid.

One thing that helped me was seeking out LGBTQ+ resources online. I found forums and YouTube channels where people shared their coming-out stories and talked about what it’s like to figure out your sexuality. Hearing other people’s journeys made me feel less alone and gave me the confidence to accept myself, no matter where I landed on the spectrum.

Now, looking back, I realize that questioning your sexuality isn’t about having all the answers immediately. It’s about paying attention to your feelings, being patient with yourself, and understanding that it’s okay not to have everything figured out. Maybe you feel a strong connection to the same sex, or maybe you’re still in a space of uncertainty. Either way, that’s perfectly okay.

At the end of the day, the biggest thing I learned is that being gay (or bi, or queer, or whatever you identify as) is not about fitting into a box—it’s about embracing what feels right for you. For me, accepting that I’m attracted to girls was like finally breathing easy after holding my breath for too long. It wasn’t just about my sexuality; it was about owning my truth and living authentically. And there’s no better feeling than that.

So if you’re asking yourself, “Am I gay?” my advice is this: take your time. Let yourself feel, explore, and don’t be afraid to step outside the norms society has built around you. It’s your journey, and however you choose to navigate it is completely up to you. You don’t need to have all the answers right now, and you don’t need to label yourself if you’re not ready. Just know that whatever you discover, you’re valid, and you’re not alone.

Stay tuned for more personal stories and LGBTQ+ insights from Woke Waves Magazine.

#LGBTQ+ #ComingOut #SelfDiscovery #QueerJourney #SexualityExploration